shetries's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fevers i slept the whole night last night. 9:30pm-5:30am. it freaking rocked. i had a bit of a breakdown yesterday. i got my uniform for work and it was shorts. my cuts are on my legs. that really upset me. later i was going to take a walk but i couldn't find my discman. then i couldn't find my purse. THEN i was late for awanas. by the time i made it to awanas i was a wreck. BUT i asked today and i'm aloud to wear pants. i didn't have to explain anything either. so it's all good in da hood yo. i think i may be coming down with a fever. fun fun. there is nothing i hate more than being hot. i have this very odd feeling. like there is a very intense feeling laying just below the surface. i'm not quite sure what that feeling is, or if it's good or bad. but it's there...lingering in the background. i never felt things so vaguely until they put me on these damn meds. there is nothing more irritating than a vague, unidentifiable feeling. i have to lose weight. i haven't purged in almost a week. not because i'm trying to stop or anything, just because i've been lazy and haven't felt like it. i used to HAVE to do it, it was like my problem with cutting, like an addiction. now i have to force myself. it sucks. i really, really need to drop 20 pounds though. i want to cry every time i look in the mirror. i hate myself. i really do. on that note... 10:47 pm - 05.08.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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